While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the
sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many
families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive,
healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of
transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

This month, we are highlighting some of the past questions
that have particularly resonated with parents. If you'd like to Ask Arlene your
questions on raising kids in blended or divorced families email her at
askarlene@familymagazinegroup.com.

Q. My boyfriend and I live together. He has a son from a
previous relationship. He has never gone to court to establish any set custody
and/or child support. He does pay regular child support based on an amount
agreed to by him and his ex. My concern is that he has not established any
parental rights and the child's mother keeps moving him around. They have lived
in 4 different places and his son has attended 4 different schools in the past
year. I think my boyfriend should go to court to establish custody and limit
what his ex can do without the father's permission. My boyfriend seems
reluctant to get a court order for anything. What do you think?

A. I agree with you that it is best for all parties concerned
that the courts establish who has what say over what issues. This is not always
the case, however. When parents can get along and are in agreement with each
other as to what's in the best interest of their children, court orders may not
be necessary. In your situation, that does not seem to be the case. A child
changing schools and residences 4 times in one year is not acceptable. That
your boyfriend doesn't want to go to court for the sake of his son does not
speak well. I would strongly encourage him to establish some custody order. He
needs to have some say in his child's life. I hope his reluctance to go to
court is not a result of something you don't know about that if his ex may
bring to light in court and use against him. Barring that reason, it is
important to establish a joint custody arrangement so that he has a say in his
child's life