While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help. If you'd like to Ask Arlene your questions on raising kids in blended or divorced families email her at askarlene@familymagazinegroup.com.

Q. My son is graduating from elementary school in June. My ex and I have been divorced for 3
years and I am recently remarried. My ex does not want my wife to come to our
son's graduation. She feels she is not his mother and has no right to be there.
My son lives with my wife and I half of the time. I think my ex is not being
fair and is just trying to control my life still. My son says that he wants his
stepmother to be there as well. How can we work this out?

A. I am not sure
you can change your ex's feelings about your wife attending your son's
graduation. What I do hear is that your son wants her to be there and that is
your main concern. If your wife cares for your son half of the time, I am sure
that they are becoming attached to each other, as one would hope they would.
The best I think you can say to your ex is that your wife shares in your son's
life and that you and your son want her to be there. You may point out to your
ex that at some point she may have someone in her life who will also share in
caring for your son and she would want that person included as well. I know
that having your wife at the graduation is a good thing for your son, your wife
and you. That your ex will have a hard time with this cannot be helped. Just
make sure you are kind and do not go out of your way to be overly affectionate
to your wife. That will certainly add to your ex's discomfort and that will
only serve to make all of your lives more difficult.