"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
- Mark Twain
Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.
Q. I am divorced and have 2 children, ages 11 and 8. My ex sees our kids every other weekend and
2 days during the week. The children are very close to him, although I think he
acts more like the "Disneyland Dad" all fun and no discipline. I
have been offered a very prestigious promotion at work, but it would require my
relocating almost 1,000 miles away. Since I have primary custody and I am the
main disciplinarian, I think the children should move with me. My ex thinks
that we should leave it up to the children as to what they want to do. What do
you think is best?
A. You won't like this but I think you should forget the promotion. It is devastating for
children to not have access to both of their parents on a frequent and regular
basis. Children of divorce suffer enough, and it sounds like your two have done
okay so far. Don't make it worse for them now. It is not a question as to which
parent they would be better off with. The issue is they need BOTH of their
parents as much as possible. Unless your ex can move as well, I would put this
move off until your children are both 18. It will happen sooner than you think
and your children will love you all the more for it. Take it from a woman who
has raised 5 children. You will never experience greater pride at any job as
you will experience from being a good mother.