"Why don't we have more snacks in this house?" I asked my wife, annoyed with our pathetic snack cabinet.
"Because we're poor," she answered without looking up from her class work.
With no time for a real job while in grad school and a bank account that just let out an audible cry, I have lowered my standards for acceptable money-making activities. I didn't think it was possible for my standards to get much lower than they already were considering I once stood on a street corner and smiled like Julia Roberts on shrooms while people shouted "no" at me. For the record, it was in response to the question "how are you today?". Street canvassing can get ugly.
I will now take almost any odd job that does not include illegal activity. Mostly. On an unrelated note, how much is a kidney worth? And do I really need my entire liver?
If someone would give me money just for being my awkward self, that would be fantastic. Since that doesn't seem to be an option (I checked) I have taken to perusing the ever-so-trustworthy craigslist for odd jobs in every category. I have turned off all rational censors and judge posts only on whether or not I have the physical ability to perform the task in question.
"Fast cash in zero hours. Small piece of soul needed." Posting title seems legit. I should probably shoot them a quick email to let them know I'm interested in parting with my soul in exchange for dollars.
"No experience necessary, just strong bones." I am not concerned about what this job might entail. I shall sign up at once.
Sometimes I pretend not to notice some of the details of the post and ignore the part about confidentiality and how the ghostwriter cannot disclose any of the "details of the crime" to anyone. This guy feels like someone I can trust. I should probably just go to his house and get started. No need for my wife to wait up. I'll show her all of my cash in the morning. Provided I'm not floating in a cooler in the Charles River.
Eating store brand food and unplugging all appliances when not in use (also because you never know when a hot plate will spontaneously combust) can only save so much money every month. Eventually I'll have to put on my big girl pants and exfoliate the bacne of my immobile neighbor in exchange for a box of oatmeal.