Today I listened to a story about an elderly couple who went on a road trip. The wife was convinced she was dying because there was hair in her comb. Natural response. They had to travel a long distance because every doctor nearby already told the woman she was fine. On the way to the doctor the couple had an argument during which the wife claimed the husband didn't care if she died. The husband cared deeply; he just wasn't good with words. Nor was he good with details. He forgot his wife at a rest stop when they stopped for coffee, drove off without her, and got lost for hours.
The story was hysterical. Until I realized it was the story of my future. I will one day be convinced I have a rare Amazonian disease even though I've never actually been within 100 Kilometers of the Amazon. My wife will dismiss my claim because obviously, and she will proceed to leave me on the side of the road out of sheer absent-mindedness.
Before the days of the GPS (yes, I'm that old), my wife would try to solve the annoyance of traffic by taking control of the situation. When stuck in traffic on the highway she would state "I'm just gonna take this exit." Five exits early. In an unfamiliar location. She was convinced that she could get off the highway, head in the general location of a place she had never been, and arrive at her destination. After driving in circles for forty-five minutes she would stop for gas, only to discover she didn't bring her wallet because who needs a license or money when driving. She was guiltily grateful when she discovered that I not only had my wallet, but hers as well.
Without my planning and ability to read a map we would likely be somewhere in Canada, wondering why the Red Sox weren't playing down the street.
A friend of ours once read our relationship horoscope to us and we found (to no surprise of our own) that our astrological signs were the least compatible of all signs ever. Instead of arguing about or differences, we ignore them. I swear it's healthy.
If left to pack for a week-long trip, my wife would pack 3 pairs of underwear, 1 t-shirt, and toothpaste. So I pack her things without question. If left to clean out a closet, I would discover an old trinket, play with it, remember how I used it as a paperweight, find papers to weigh down, realize the papers were coloring sheets, and leave the house to buy markers. So my wife checks on me every 5 minutes.
To get me to finish my work on time my wife rewards me with candy and back rubs. To get her to leave the house on time I tell her we have to leave fifteen minutes prior to our actual departure time.
Alone we're tardy, unprepared hooligans lost in the wilderness. Together we make one fully functioning adult person.